Tony Lawton

My dad was the best and i miss him more each day that he's gone. my mum had him cremated because its what he wanted but i have nowhere to go and 'talk' to him. i feel a fool sometimes because i sit talking to myself. like when i found out that i was pregnant with my 5th baby just after he had died, and then when she was born. i cried for days after because he and mum where always the 1st people to hold all my babies and he wasn't there. when we nearly lost her during her birth, it was dad that i prayed to to not take her from me. my little boy who is 2 and has his name, now does so much that i think 'dad would have laughed his head of at that'. my 2nd daughter vicki was 18 last year and he wasn't there to see her face when a stripper turned up. my son 'ash' is 6 ft tall now and he was always proud of what a lovely lad he'd turned out to be. my eldest daughter was going through a bad time in her life and i didn't know how to advise her but i know dad would have known. it has been 2 years in august and so much seems to have happened since he died but i know that he is watching everything i just wish i could talk to him.

the night that he died will stick in my head forever. i had a phone call from my mum and she said 'jayne get here quick i think something is wrong with your dad'. i got straight in th car and drove over there. my daughter, vicki, got in the car too and phoned for an ambulance. what normally takes 15 minutes, took me 7 to get there.
we pulled up outside and my mum,bless her, was walking arond the close where they live looking to see if any of their neighbours where still up but they weren't so she was having a panic attack. the woman on the phone from the ambulance service had said to get him onto the floor, dad was 6ft and 17 stone, mum is 4ft 11. ha ha. me and vicki went straight in and if i'm honest, i knew he had gone but we got him onto the floor and i started to try and give mouth to mouth and chest compressions. nothing. then on the 3rd time he started to be sick and i got excited as such and thought YES I'VE DONE IT but it was just his body reacting to what i was doing. looking back now i wouldn't have done it any other way. i knew he had gone. he would have said you watch too much telly, it doesn't happen like that in real life and laughed at me yet again. he had furring of his arteries and so no oxygen was getting to his heart. this we didn't know until his death. the week after his death he had an appointment to have tests done on his heart, IF ONLY.
my dad had TB for 53 years contained in his bladder, his mum died of that when he was 2. he got over that. he had cancer, he got over that. he was in an accident at the pit where he worked for 25 years and he was left with arthritis in his leg (made him walk like john wayne) he saw his best mate in the same accident get killed, but again he got over that. he had been in hospital 8 weeks before his death for a minor heart attack which we thought he had got over. he never complained. he also was insulin dependant for diabetes but yet again he just got on with it. basically he lived his life. he loved my mum and my brothers and my sister and he was the best grandad in the world. my mum has tried to give everyone of his grandchildren (19. plus 6 great grandchildren)something to remember him by, wether it be a watch or lighter or a piece of jewellery but because he was such an important person in their lives, they have their memories too.

i set up this site so that i have got somewhere that i can come and talk to him. to tell him how much I LOVE HIM. how much i miss him . but for my children to say hi to him too. he was a remarkable man and all his grand children loved him.

at his funeral, people had to stand outside as well as inside. there where so many flowers that it took 2 car loads to take them to various places instead of them just being left to rot at the cemetary.

basically if you are still reading this no matter how much you are down in the dumps, there is always someone somewhere going through a loss and the pain that that brings is life long.

i made a promise to you dad when you where in hospital and i hope that i have fullfilled it. those days that we sat chatting and the words that you said to me will always be in my mind and etched on my heart.

I MISS YOU DAD AND I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

if tears could build a stairway, i would be able to climb right up to heaven to bring you home. xxxxxxxxxxx

TIME WILL NOT DIM THE FACE I LOVE
THE VOICE I HEARD EACH DAY
THE MANY THINGS YOU DID FOR ME
IN YOUR OWN SPECIAL WAY
ALL MY LIFE I'LL MISS YOU
AS THE YEARS COME AND GO
BUT IN MY HEART I'LL KEEP YOU
BECAUSE I LOVE YOU SO.

my dad was born and bought up in a village called church warsop. his mum died when he was 2 and so he was bought up by his dad, who he adored. he moved to another village called edwinstowe which is where he met my mum.
my dad leaves behind, martin,kevin, viveen and jayne (me) and like i said before 19 grandchildren and 6 great grandchildren. xxxxxxxxxxx